at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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