I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
