Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
