What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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