You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
two words...techno handjob
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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