you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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