how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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