It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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