You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
