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we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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