I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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