Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
