Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
