Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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