I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
