I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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