your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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