We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
