i love accidental penises.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
