So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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