i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
