He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
