my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
