fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
