I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
