Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
