I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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