if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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