after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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