if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
