it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
