I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
