I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
