Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
