Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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