so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
