Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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