I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
