either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
