Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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