Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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