First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
