he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
