Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
