I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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