my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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