We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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