I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
