Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
