is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
