you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
