She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
