paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
