Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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