Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
no more duck duck goose at the bar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
