Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
