just survived the first fart of the relationship.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
