I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
