We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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