The best revenge is premature balding
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
