why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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