Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
