By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
