dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
