I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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