I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
