The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I want a musical about memes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
