so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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