sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
