Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
