Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize