apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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