Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
