Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
