Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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