I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
