Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
