Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
