i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
