I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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