so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
