This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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