i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
